


Monachopsis

by RadioScientist



Category: Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Masterbation, Recreational Drug Use, damn radio back at it again with the weird fanfics, technically underage I guess but there's no actual sex or anything, the rating's more to be on the safe side it isn't terribly explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 17:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10791450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadioScientist/pseuds/RadioScientist
Summary: Monachopsis: the subtle persisting sense of being out of placeThe first time it happens, it's unintentional.





	Monachopsis

The first time it happens, it's unintentional.

They're watching something, something brutal and dark and shifting, but he isn't sure if it's pornography or one of those scheduled murders the TV is always full of. Perhaps it doesn't really matter at this point. The line between the two has always been blurred, and the weed Crake had shared wasn't really helping him focus on the program itself.

He closes his eyes for a moment- chasing the after-image of the sensation his orgasm afforded him. This was always his favourite part of the experience; the small time-frame in which everything boiled down to one feeling. No body, no senses, no thought- he was unburdened, unaware.

Slowly, noise seeps back into his subjectivity. He opens his eyes blearily, re-arranges himself into something more suitable, and turns to his side to ask Crake about the TV.

His eyes catch on the image.

His gaze skips past the sordid details of his friends own activities, somehow drawn to Crake's face.

There's an ugly blush marring the usually pale skin there, and his black eyelashes are twitching against the purplish bruises underneath. He looks slightly pained, a common feature of such illicit activities. Jimmy is about to turn away, aware that his being caught looking is likely to lead to a particularly strained departure, when he witnesses Crake's orgasm.

For some reason, it strikes him.

The discomfort which had previously been etched on his face is chased away, leaving Crake with an expression so blindingly peaceful and contented that he feels it like a punch to the gut.

It terrifies him.

It's enough to finally make him look away at last, but he can't shake the feeling that he won't be able to forget what he just saw.

He's seen far more intimate images of Crake before, what with Crake being such an immodest person and all. He's watched him dive, elbow-deep into the dripping carcass of a recently killed pigoon, pulling out particular parts with little regard for their delicate balance as he neatly categorises each of them for Jimmy's benefit, the peculiar light in his eyes he gets when he's caught up in the thrill of science. He's watched him gently cleaning the scalpels the class uses for their biology sessions, his hands steady and assured as they took to the task with the same precision a surgeon would use for an operation. He's even watched him that one time he got visibly angry, fingers flying over the keys of his laptop in a peculiar kind of rhythm in order to confront the poor sap who'd dared to question his prowess on the MaddAddam forums, green eyes hardened and cold like flint, his mouth a thin, unyielding line.

But never like this.

This is something new, something uncomfortably private and so _human_ , and it's messing with the image of Crake in his head.

He knows, logically, that Crake gets off. Even someone so cold has to give in to this kind of temptation sometimes, and he's- well. He's a man, first and foremost. But this is nothing like the pigoon or the scalpels or even the anger. Because for one moment he had... he had been so close...so....

_Beautiful._

He struggles to pull himself together, focusing on breathing in and out quietly. Crake turns to him unaware, face schooled back into its usual unflappable expression.

"Want to get started on the math work we got?"

"Mmm."

He turns off the TV, shifting out of his seat to climb upstairs to his room. Jimmy follows him automatically. He still doesn't know what they had been watching.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this! Still not beta'd, but if anyone feels like giving me some constructive criticism I'd very much appreciate it!


End file.
